The time to enjoy a European trip is about three weeks after unpacking.

A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative.

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.

Anybody can win – unless there happens to be a second entry.

To insure peace of mind ignore the rules and regulations.

In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic; in the country it is a form of popular entertainment.

A good jolly is worth what you pay for it.

She was short on intellect, but long on shape.

It is not time for mirth and laughter, the cold, gray dawn of the morning after.

A man never feels more important than when he receives a telegram containing more than ten words.

Early to bed and early to rise is a bad rule for anyone who wishes to become acquainted with our most prominent and influential people.

One man’s poison ivy is another man’s spinach.

Do unto yourself as your neighbors do unto themselves and look pleasant.

Nothing is improbable until it moves into past tense.

Only the more rugged mortals should attempt to keep up with current literature.

After being turned down by numerous publishers, he decided to write for posterity.

For parlor use, the vague generality is a life saver.