Many of the habits of dysfunctional families use are not from the lack of love but are the result of fear. Knowing the love-limiting habits and behaviors of dysfunctional families is a wonderful beginning to...

Many people look at their past and bemoan their mistakes. Those errors in judgment, behavior, hurting others, and the wrong decisions may be what consumes them now. It does not have to be that way,...

Teenagers can spot hypocrisy a mile away and here I was telling them how to cope when they witnessed the shambles of my own life and how I was living.

If one wants to be loved and return it full score dagger of silence closes the door.

Our minds have a great capacity for deception. This does not mean we are necessarily dishonest but if we are not careful, when our brains do not have answers, our minds will create them.

People who are unwilling to talk about deep personal issues do not trust their own emotions.

They sought the pain they knew so well and called it love.

Embracing doubt is sometimes threatening, as we fear losing our faith if we explore our doubts. Following that thought, if one loses one’s faith, then as some religions dictate, that individual cannot enter heaven. Since...

REAL people do not have to lie, exaggerate, or brag for they are self-contained in self-understanding and acceptance of themselves. REAL people can make a mistake knowing that even when they do, it is only...

Swirling in a squirrel cage of perpetual motion, the head-committee meets, argues, votes out the guidance available from emotions, and successfully keeps serenity at bay and chaos close at hand.

There are two ways of thinking. One is living life based on fear. The other is trusting. Letting go and allowing trust to control our lives takes mental gymnastics.

The more judgmental a person is the sadder they are.

With improved coping skills forged through my midlife crisis, I now listen first and do not control, and I allow these now adult children to come to their own conclusions about what they want for...

Controlling others is the cornerstone of dysfunctional families.

When we leave this life, we only get to take two things: the love we received and the lessons we learned.

fix it” for the other person, the connection of acceptance is snapped and the sender and receiver miss an opportunity for understanding.

Her screams are heard across generations who dared not scream and died without joy,in silence and isolation.

For example, I can doubt that 2 + 2 = 4; however, my doubting does not change the equation. When I test out that formula and find that it is true, then that becomes my...

People pay a dear price when not dealing with the powerful emotions.

You did not invent these family habits. Your family is like mine, for thousands and thousands of years our families have embraced a dysfunctional lifestyle, passing these habits as gospel on to subsequent generations. This...

status quo” on the other, they are often in balance. Change is hard. We tend to accept our condition and no matter how painful, we will not change until the balancing scale is tipped –...

Black and white thinking limits understanding and feedback, two necessary ingredients for successful resolution in creative conflict and successful understanding.

Change is threatening to the status quo.

I made a mistake.

Only then can I fly.Only then can I be free -when Ilet go of me.

The strange part about a person’s lack of trust is that it often comes from not trusting themselves.

When I looked at myself through the prism of awareness, great tears came as I connected with how this wounded child felt.

turn our lives and our wills” over requires something very difficult for a spiritually wounded person to accomplish – Trust. Yet, to accomplish this step, trust of the spirit must be present.

Being real is being true to you.

…the state of perfection is an elusive goal; demanding something so obscure as almost unattainable and can become a compulsive, crazy making squirrel-on-a-wheel way of living.

Our parents were our first gods. If parents are loving, nurturing, and kind, this becomes the child’s definition of the creator. If parents were controlling, angry, and manipulative, then this becomes their definition.

Mature adults gravitate toward new values and understandings, not just rehashing and blind acceptance of past patterns and previous learning. This is an ongoing process and maturity demands lifelong learners.

Children naturally believe without question and absorb knowledge at an incredible rate; since there is no other frame of reference; they believe their parental reality, true or false.

This woman’s size protected herfrom the hurts of the worldbut it also imprisoned her soul. As the merry-go-round revolved, she ate another French fry,as a silent scream frozen on her face.

Like an empty bucket, my soul rings hollow when empty vibrates with emptiness … hollow sound of loneliness. Every cell in my body does not want to be alone.My loneliness is frightening …an all consuming...

Codependency is a learned set of behaviors, thought processes, and habits. When combined together, they fit a very loose definition. All people exhibit these traits to some degree, but some of us allow them to...

Shame is a powerful feeling. There is a tremendous difference between making a mistake and believing you are a mistake…If I don’t see myself as being a mistake then it is I who must take...

To be free to roam our own consciousness and be responsible for ourselves, a letting go process is required. We have to let go of how others define us; what damaging messages remain from childhood;...

This is who I am…and I am okay.” This is simple…not easy.

I need to keep you from knowing me. I have already rejected me, but if you knew how flawed I am, you would also reject me…and since this is all I have, I could not...

Often, we will stay in a miserable status quo until the misery finally exceeds the resistance to change. True wisdom is seeing the future: what will happen if change does not happen?

Children have empty erasable white boards upon which big people write indelibly imprinted messages into their tender subconscious minds.

Other people feel love when we listen without judging and accept them without demanding change. We all desperately require these basic needs. When we can do this for another, we are indeed that person’s angel.

Since children from dysfunctional families are so good at judging others, they also judge themselves finding themselves unacceptable when compared to others, always assuming they are second best, not enough. This is a painful realization...

Was that the best You can do?” This god, to whom I was desperately sending burnt offerings of my own humiliation, couldn’t send an avenging angel or a wise man imparting wisdom? All You can...

Sitting on the hot seat of change requires much courage, patience, and persistence.

Making amends is not only saying the words but also being willing to listen to how your behavior caused another’s pain, and then the really hard part…changing behavior.

God’s will” these events happen? On the other hand, do tragic events happen because of laws of nature or the law of averages?

If we want to improve, first we have to recognize our own maladaptive coping skills, called codependency, then change.

People build defenses around a weakness, not around strength. Where self-esteem is strong, a defense is unnecessary.