In grade school I was smart, but I didn’t have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.

I think it’s sweet that everyone still has a real nice place in their hearts for him, they still remember him.

It’s funny because it’s funny.

He goes down as one of the greats. And I still think about him every day,

It’s just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I’m sure I will, but I’m just trying to postpone...

I’m just doing the show for a while, might do another ‘Joe Dirt’ movie in the summer. That’s about it. The show is really starting and that’s what I have to do, like my day-to-day...

My career is just kind of crazy.

I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.

It’s the old college days kind of thing.

To be famous and broke is hard.

[For Spade, the freedom to do edgier material than the networks would allow clinched the deal.] If I’m going to do a show like this, … this is the best place to do it.

The answer is, ‘Yes, I do.’

To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.

There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all.

You catch all the ’80s hits without any of ‘the stuff from the new album,’

When I started I’d fly across the country to do a gig for a hundred bucks.

I’ve been with a beautiful girl from time to time.

[w?] There’s a rumor that Tom Cruise offered Katie Holmes $4 million to be his girlfriend, … Actually, it was going to be a million, but he got into a bidding war with Clay Aiken.

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that’s depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.

Success? You can’t get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, ‘That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He’s horrible.’

I have no detectable hair style.

It’s so crazy in Hollywood.

It’s called reading,

I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.

I like to think it’s because I’m a cool guy, but maybe they just don’t want to be made fun of.

I’m like a Dilbert cartoon.

Just Shoot Me.