Well, she didn’t lock us up in closets.” in fact, my mother behaved much worse than that, but by focusing on the empty closet, I avoided looking at what waited beyond it.

Nita: I think I overdid the vulnerability stuff in this last letter. and that’s why I’m having an anxiety attack.Howard: With the vulnerability comes the possibility that you’ll be betrayed. Now that you’ve laid yourself...

Howard: Sometimes a betrayal can be so subtle that it clouds the whole thing.Nita: It would have to be a real betrayal. Not like canceling an appointment. It would be like you’d end the relationship...

Being in a state of denial is auniversally human response tosituations which threaten tooverwhelm. People who were abusedas children sometimes carry theirdenial like precious cargo without aport of destination. It enabled us tosurvive our childhood...

I’ve been depressed all day. I feel like such a fraud. People say how special and wonderful I am. I think,”Can’t they tell? “—Nita, September 18, 1984

I spent most of my life believing lwas crazy because all the crazy things I experienced in childhood were treated as nonexistent or normal. This belief colored every decision made, from something so basic as...

I should have told.” The legacy of a helpless, vulnerable, out-of-control, and humiliated child creates an adult who is generally tentative, insecure, and quite angry. The anger is not often expressed, however, as it is...

Even greater than my fear that l was crazy, was my lifelong dread that someone would find out.

Don’t you seewhat’s going on in this house?” To this day, if somehow even in jest raises their hand to me, I will do this (raises hands to protect face andcowers) I cringe. Then they...

The reality is, no matter what youwere told, whatever happened to youas a child was not legally or morallyyour fault. Abused children are instilled with guilt regarding their”participation.” It’s an especiallycomplex issue if the abuser...