Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.

A pessimist is a man who looks both ways when he crosses the street.

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.

The problem with temptation is that you may not get another chance.

Speak when you are angry, and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.

A censor is an expert in cutting remarks. A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.

You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.

The computer may be incompetent in itself–that is, unable to do the work for which it was designed. This kind of incompetence can never be eliminated, because the Peter Principle applies in the plants where...

Before publishers’ blurbs were invented, authors had to make their reputations by writing.