Why do I do this every Sunday? Even the book reviews seem to be the same as last week’s. Different books same reviews.

The British public has always had an unerring taste for ungifted amateurs.

Go on – but don’t think you can kill my confidence. I’ve had experts doing it for years.

They spend their time looking forward to the past.

And even in the hatred of the majority, there’s a kind of triumph because I know that, although they’d never admit it, they secretly respect me.

I don’t think one `comes down’ from Jimmy’s university. According to him, it’s not even red brick, but white tile.

It is not true that drink changes a man’s character. It may reveal it more clearly.

What are we hoping to get out of it, what’s it all in aid of — is it really just for the sake of a gloved hand waving at you from a golden coach?

Typically we don’t see many applicants from the coast, but it has been building since Katrina.

It is widely held that too much wine will dull a man’s desire. Indeed it will in a dull man.

Never believe in mirrors or newspapers

The whole point of a sacrifice is that you give up something you never really wanted in the first place. People are doing it around you all the time. They give up their careers, say...

Up until recently, the state of California really wasn’t doing anything about [recycling of monitors]. The landfill issues along with our reputation as a company were drivers for me.

There’s no such thing as failure – just waiting for success.

They spend their time mostly looking forward to the past

It is easy to answer the ultimate questions — it saves you bothering with the immediate ones.

They’re basically gutting it out to the stone and starting over.

A lot of my players from Hancock who live in Santa Barbara,

Thank God we’re normal, normal, normal, Thank God we’re normal, Yes, this is our finest shower!

But I have a go, lady, don’t I? I ‘ave a go. I do.

That voice that cries out doesn’t have to be a weakling’s does it?

I never deliberately set out to shock, but when people don’t walk out of my plays I think there is something wrong.

Don’t clap too hard – it’s a very old building.

Jimmy: One day, when I’m no longer spending my days running a sweet-stall, I may write a book about us all. It’s all here. (slapping his forehead) Written in flames a mile high. And it...

Here we are, we’re alone in the universe, there’s no God, it just seems that it all began by something as simple as sunlight striking on a piece of rock. And here we are. We’ve...

Heroes, whatever high ideas we may have of them, are mortal and not divine. We are all as God made us and many of us much worse.

To be as vehement as he is is to be almost non-committal.

Laughter’s the nearest we ever get, or should get, to sainthood. It’s the state of grace that saves most of us from contempt.