Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.

Don’t walk away! I’m trying to apologize you dumb noodleloaf!

I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all the time.

Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won’t help.

I can’t tell if that’s funny or really scary.

Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine, and valleys of frustration and failure.

Girls are like slugs. They serve some purpose but it’s hard to imagine what.

Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I’ll have a witty and blistering retort! You’ll be devastated THEN!

Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.

History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction.

Who was the first guy that look at a cow and said,” I think that I’ll drink whatever comes out of those things when I squeeze them?

What fun is it being cool if you can’t wear a sombrero

I wonder if I can grow fangs when my baby teeth fall out.

We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.

[At first, I just randomly turned the pages. Page 95, Volume 1, Calvin and Hobbes are sitting under a tree.] Do you think there is a God? … Well, somebody’s out to get me.

Unfortunately for my report, mom caught me and I didn’t get to see how it ended.

Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world’s problems?

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

#VALUE!

You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood. -What mood is that? -Last-minute panic.

County library? Reference desk, please. Hello? Yes, I need a word definition. Well, that’s the problem. I don’t know how to spell it and I’m not allowed to say it. Could you just rattle off...

Careful. We don’t want to learn from this.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Maybe then I can finish my book.