Oh God, can I keep you? You don’t need batteries, do you?

He rolled the other way and watched the digital display of his alarm ticking seconds off he’d never get back. This is the life we’re given. One life. One opportunity to be happy, to make...

‘It’s okay. I understand that you’re tempted and know you shouldn’t grab the apple, and when you did you wanted to drop it. But I’m not good at resisting temptation. I’d rather eat the fucking...

‘Everything is temporary. Nothing lasts. We’re born. We die. Life’s all about loss and change. Things happen, we learn to adapt or we don’t, but we move on in some way or another. Sometimes that’s...

She wasn’t fit to be a member of society. Her mind was a running sewer. The raunchiest teenager didn’t think about sex as much as she did.

‘A hundred and seventy two multiplied by thirteen,’ Tyler gasped. ‘Two thousand two hundred and thirty six.’ ‘You’re not supposed to bloody tell me. I’m trying to distract myself.’ He opened one eye and glared...

‘I think that’s why his asking me to pull the plug hurt so much. He kept saying if I really loved him, I should have been able to do it. And I thought, if he...

‘I don’t remember if I thanked you for saving me,’ he said. ‘So thank you.”You’re welcome.’ ‘Though after this morning, I’ve added you to the list of those trying to kill me.’

Books to read. Bitches to push out of the door.

Hey, you’re not supposed to find our magnificent organs amusing.

Try hanging off the ceiling and dropping it from there.

That should give him time for another wank. It was a good job masturbating didn’t make you go blind.