And I’m not going to get any thinner or any younger, my ass is going to hit the ground, if it hasn’t already–and I want to be with somebody who can still see me in here. I’m still in here. And I don’t want to be resented or despised for changing…I’d rather be alone.
There are no commitments, only bargains. And they have to be made again every day. You think making a commitment is it. Finish. You think it sets like a concrete platform and it'll take any strain you want to put on it. You're committed. You don't have to prove anything. In fact you can afford a little neglect, indulge in a little bit of sarcasm here and there, isolate yourself when you want to. Underneath it's concrete for life. I'm a cow in some ways, but you're an idiot.
Now do you understand why I'm interested in you? You're a locked door, sweetheart. You give no one a key and you never answer the door when anyone knocks...Ah, but sometimes, sometimes I get a peek through the keyhole and what I find there...It's like glimpsing you as you're stripping. Underneath all of that darkness is something hungry, something desperate, something, oh, so deliciously vulnerable.
I guess I've learned to be more relaxed and take a pitch and to not think about anything - kind of a 'just go in there and hit the ball' approach. This is the most relaxed I've felt. Maybe it's because it's my fourth year here. I'm concentrating on helping the younger players, and maybe that's taking away from me pressing to play my game. I see how stressed they are at times, and I don't want to be stressed, too.
John Lennon is the model for what I'm trying to do; that he grew and changed, ... It's been hard because you left your friends and I don't see them very much anymore, but look what happened with 1/8 Lennon) and those albums. They were struggling to progress beyond the greatest band that ever existed.