That’s why we’re out here. We were hoping Jimmi would bring enough damsels for us all, though!

They’ve been lying from the start. From the first time we read the words ‘once upon a time,’ we’re fed the idea that these girls—these gorgeous, demure, singing-with-the-wildlife girls—get a happy ending. And I get...

Damsels were women unable to do anything more complicated than get themselves captured by overgrown lizards with virgin fetishes.