Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels.

He virtually lives on fish

Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, but they made life hardly worth supporting.

The Right Hon. was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say ‘When!’

The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.

The lunches of fifty-seven years had caused his chest to slip down to the mezzanine floor.

I spent the afternoon musing on Life. If you come to think of it, what a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don’t you know, if you see what I mean.

Success comes to a writer as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to look back and realize the heights to which he has climbed.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his forehead first, and if it rings solid, don’t hesitate.

I just sit at a typewriter and curse a bit.

He felt like a man who, chasing rainbows, has had one of them suddenly turn and bite him in the leg.

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say “when.”

I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don’t know what I did before that. Just loafed I suppose.

Flowers are happy things.

Success comes to a writer, as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to look back and realize the heights to which he has climbed.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

New York is a small place when it comes to the part of it that wakes up just as the rest is going to bed.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.