When I pass my name in such large letters I blush, but at the same time instinctively raise my hat.

Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don’t mind.

I was born old and get younger every day. At present I am sixty years young.

The national sport of England is obstacle-racing. People fill their rooms with useless and cumbersome furniture, and spend the rest of their lives in trying to dodge it.

A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.

A whipper-snapper of criticism who quoted dead languages to hide his ignorance of life.

People are too apt to treat God as if he were a minor royalty

Every man is a potential genius until he does something.