I have a jaundiced eye but a young mind.

My father was always telling himself no one was perfect, not even my mother.

I only go to mass when somebody asks me, but when I get in trouble I call for a priest.

So don’t applaud. Just send me the check.

I want to make someone walk straight, but I’ve left my sons nothing but wars.

When people tell you they saw your last picture – well, the way they say it sounds like they hope it was.

I was always the second heavy.

I’m a lousy reader.

I’m too young for Medicare and too old for broads to care.

I’m what you call a deathbed Catholic.

I’ve made my peace with myself.

I’ve made upwards of a million bucks in the cops-and-robbers business.

I collect antiques. Why? Because they’re beautiful.

If you’re going to be a bum, be the biggest. If you’re going to blow it, blow it big.

I get a wild hair up my nose and I want to go.

It’s hard to explain why I like Europe so much.